


Scrawny

by Local_Irregularities



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester is Sam Winchester's Parent, Gen, John Winchester’s A+ parenting, Supportive Sibling Dean Winchester, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Male Sam Winchester, Young Sam Winchester, i was gonna make john like be a reasonably bad/okay father but i remembered canon, no beta we die like men, there is no english dub 15x18 in ba sing se
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:42:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27817006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Local_Irregularities/pseuds/Local_Irregularities
Summary: Dean doesn't remember the day Samantha became Samuel, because as far as he knew, there was only ever a Sam (or Sammy to annoy him) Winchester.Title is named after Scrawny, a lovely song by Wallows.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Kudos: 106





	Scrawny

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I only watch shows that have already ended prior to me watching them, and following the tumblr chaos I decided to watch Supernatural. I’m only starting the second season soon, but I love Sam, and I love Dean, and I also love projecting, so...
> 
> Thanks for clicking, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> (And I hope it resonates with you too!)

Dean doesn't remember the day Samantha became Samuel, because as far as he knew, there was only ever a Sam (or Sammy to annoy him) Winchester.

He recalls insulting Sam, like he always does, specifically making fun of him for wearing Dean's loose jeans instead of his own skinny fit, Dean's loose band t-shirts instead of his own tighter v-necks.

_"I always knew you were a handsome man." Dean smirked smugly, standing in between the doorframe having caught the younger boy red-handed, sporting the look of a deer in headlights._

He would never forget Sam huffing at that, and then failing to conceal a smile when he faced the other way. Neither knew what to make of it back then, Sam was only 10 after all.

He vaguely remembers Sam plead for their dad to buy Sam clothes from the male isle at the bargain store instead.

_"Dad, it's cheaper and we'll have more money to spend on motels," Was his reasoning. John gave in, much to the surprise of both kids, but apparently for a separate reason. "You promise to wear your dress more?" He asked firmly, Dean watched Sam nod vigorously, "I promise!" He nearly shouted._

_"Good."_

After that, Dean noticed himself and their dad acting as bait less often. Instead ghosts and creepy men were lured out into the open with a 12 year old Sam, all dolled up in his only pretty dress. They were all uncomfortable, albeit for different reasons.

Eventually, Dean started to pick up on Sam's breath hitching by the smallest amount whenever someone called him by Samantha. The subtlest clench of a jaw when anyone commented on his body "flowering". How after every time Sam had to bait another older man to a different place, in a swaying skirt, he would always be the one to leave first and sniffle in the bathroom afterwards. Dean pegged it as insecurity, typical teenage hormones mixed with the stress of their home life.

The arguments were what tipped him off.

After he became 14, Sam would shout, shout about how their dad probably wished he was born male so that he wouldn't have to be dead weight. So that Sam would have a proper role and be allowed to handle the heavier guns like Dean did.

After those fights, Sam would lock himself in the motel's dirty bathroom. Muffling his sobs the best he could, always unlocking the door after a few minutes so that Dean could enter. When Dean commented on Sam's state, he'd brush it off with a gesture and a "shut up" without ever turning around to face him.

One night saw a fight loud enough for Sam to nearly barrel into Dean while retreating towards the bathroom again. Dean had always stayed to listen and comfort him afterwards, but when Sam opened to the door to Dean falling in, the younger boy fell on his knees and cried until Dean's jacket shoulder had a sizable wet patch.

He'll never forget the vacant look in his brother's eyes at that moment.

"Is it wrong for me to hate being a girl?"

"No, no." He panicked, desperately trying to put himself in Sam's vision.

Sam breathed hard, unevenly. "I hate it. I hate my body. I never felt like a girl. I was happier when I got called Samuel by that old lady, and by the random cashier at that 7/11 when we were in Wisconsin."

"Yeah, well, hunting's not really a girly thing Sammy," Dean offered, only trying to appease Sam, to get his eyes to stop looking so empty and to _focus on him damnit._

"I don't wanna be girly! I don't even feel like a _girl!_ " Sam shouted hoarsely, the tears welling up again, following the trails that had already been made less than minutes ago. "Why can't I be a boy like you?!"

"I-I don't know, but you're not, I don't know if you can even be a boy in the first place," Dean held Sam's shoulders more firmly, if only to assure himself that he wasn't being delusional.

Sam wiped away his tears, staring hard into the filthy mud stained tiles beside him. "I can."

Confusion began to wrack Dean's brain, his mind blanking on every front. "What do you mean, Sam?"

"When.. when we're traveling, and dad doesn't make me wear a stupid dress, I already pass as a boy." Dean does remember Sam being able to seamlessly slide into a group of boys, sometimes even he would forget that Sam was female.

"I have to tape my chest down all the time, it hurts a lot, and I can't even breathe right, but people think I'm a guy," Sam confesses, moving his melting gaze into Dean's own eyes.

When Dean finally registered the words coming out of Sam's mouth, his mind began swirling with concern. "That's not good for you, Sammy, you could get hurt. Is that why you're always out of breath?"

Sam broke the eye contact to look away guiltily, nodding slightly before turning back to face Dean with nothing but the hard resolve of a Winchester in his eyes. "It doesn't matter."

Dean had been thrown for a loop, thinking hard about what Sam was suggesting. "So... does this make you a tranny or a lesbian?"

He watched Sam's shoulders relax, the person in front of him basically acting almost high as he smiled at Dean. "That's a slur, and no, not a lesbian." He chuckled.

"It is?" Dean asked, completely dumbfounded by everything so far.

"I did the research, I always felt like a boy even though I was born a girl, and they call it being transgender." Sam was shrinking back slightly, hesitance lacing his voice.

"I-I've been considering it since I was really little, I think it's the closest thing I can get to the real deal— I have all these things to do so that I can be a guy, but I don't know if I can do it," He looked down again, solemnly, this time.

"I think I get it." Dean tried, dragging Sam up with him out of the bathroom and onto his bed.

"You think?" Sam half snorted and half scoffed at that, Dean didn't know whether to be offended or not.

"So," Dean began, in generous terms, awkwardly. "You're a girl, but you feel like you're a guy, so you wanna be a guy instead." He stated it like a question, looking at Sam for confirmation.

"Yeah," Sam nodded, facing the window outside.

"So are you still Sammy? Can I still call you Sam, since Samantha is you know, a girl's name?" Dean was treading as carefully as he could, for someone who was pretty emotionally stunted since he was born. He could tell Sam appreciated it.

"I still like Sam, but I've been thinking into changing my name to Samuel, legally, when I'm older." Sam said, contemplating something as he looked off into the distance. Snapping his head back towards Dean, he gave a tired grin. "And no, you can't call me Sammy,"

"Aww, why?" Dean smugly asked.

"Sammy is a terrible nickname, I'm almost 15 dude, call me Sam," He replied almost incredulously.

"Maybe when you're older," Dean joked, a shit-eating grin directed at Sam with his dumb shiny teeth showing.

"Jerk," Sam complained.

"Bitch." Dean retaliated, their ridiculously ecstatic smiles never leaving either of their faces.

**Author's Note:**

> If you followed me, you made a mistake, I’m so sorry to my readers for all the blueballing I do. I’m currently rewriting all my fics and will probably end up deleting most of them (I only wrote like 3 so...) and uh, I’ll be busy.
> 
> Thank you for reading through this, I hope you cried or at least liked this, you don’t need to leave kudos because I pumped this out in an hour at least. I love you all, and just wanna let you know you are loved by many, and also the few.


End file.
